I am putting on my size 16-EEEEE clown shoes and am going to stomp over a whole lotta people’s delicate sensibilities. Those who are willing to actually read what I am writing are welcome to do so, those who will only proceed to the point where said delicate sensibilities are offended may considered themselves officially honked off at this moment; no need to proceed further & waste your time & mine.
As posted elsewhere, the editor in me is used to actually reading things and seeing what they really say as opposed to what a quick surface skimming leads 99.99% of most people to think they say.
Recently a public figure of note[1] voiced a difference of opinion over the idea of “same sex couples being the same and their sexual activity being seen as equal and being affirmed by society as heterosexual couples and their activity”.
Depending on where we put our benchmarks down, this is a factually true statement.
In fact, I will go even further: Depending on where said benchmarks are set, there may not be any such thing as sex between people of the same biological gender.
If we define sex for human beings at its most basic concept[2], then sex involves the introduction of male sperm to female eggs.
If that does not happen, or does not have at least the chance of happening, then it’s not sex.
Using this technically strict definition, nothing that couples of the same gender do together could be considered sex.
Then again, probably 99.99% of what hetro couples do could not be considered sex either.
On the other hand, if we expand the definition of sex to include mental, emotional, and biological activity related to sexual impulses, then there’s a lot more stuff that can be considered “sex” (which I will use to differentiate from sex, the pure biological act).
There’s Fantasy “sex” (thinking about it, talking about it, sexting about it, or reading about it[3]) Masturbation (self, partner, or mutual) Oral “sex” Anal “sex” Vaginal “sex” (here defined as functioning biological male penis inside or touching a functioning biological female vagina)
Again, gay and / or lesbian “sex” offers nothing that hetero “sex” can’t offer, but hetero “sex” has one act that by definition is exclusively hetero.
So long as force, coercion, fraud, minor children, animal cruelty, or other criminal behavior are not directly involved, this should be of no concern to anyone except those actually engaged in the specific “sex” acts.
This is not to say all “sexual” activity is benign, or even harmless, just that until one of the people involved asks for a 3rd party’s opinion & input[4], said 3rd parties should keep it to themselves.
Not all people have the same “sexual” interests, much less the same intensity of interest, much less the same range of interests. Again, barring anything criminal, reconciling this with others is purely a matter for the people involved, not 3rd parties (unless or until advice is sought).
There are people who have mutually / voluntarily agreed upon interests / contexts / limits for “sexual” activity.
It is absolutely legit to say one only wishes to engage in “sexual” activity under specific circumstances, or at specific times, or specific conditions.
A group, such as a religious denomination, may mutually / voluntarily agree among themselves to limit sex partners to just those with whom a binding marriage contract has been entered into.
Another group, such as a porn film cast, may mutually / voluntarily agree to engage in a certain number of “sexual” acts with one another in exchange for cash.
Neither group has the right to enforce its internally agreed upon standards on the other group, though each group is within its right to insist that anyone wishing to enter their group must adhere to said mutually / voluntarily agreed upon standards.
This, folks, is what’s called common sense & common courtesy.
Truth be told, 80% of the entire population is doing 80% of the range of “sexual” activities 80% of the time.
This is what’s known in the business as a bell curve.
That 80/80/80% defines “the norm.”
Here’s where words & their precise meanings come into play yet again, and how something can mean one thing for one group but quite another for a different group (or groups).
“The norm” is a statistical term that has no moral / ethical / aesthetic meaning; it simply describes objectively what the bulk of a group is doing during the bulk of a given time.
90% of all comics involve somebody clobbering the bejeebers outta somebody else.
That’s the norm around here, folks.
Anything that veers away from the norm is a deviation.
Again, “deviation” is a statistical / mathematical term that has absolutely no moral / ethical values. A pine tree that leans a foot to one side has a deviation of x-degrees off plumb; it might otherwise be a perfectly good tree providing all the benefits & beauty one would desire from a pine.
Unfortunately, people have used the term “deviation” judgmentally, turning it into “deviant.”
This is what we think of when we heard the word “deviant”.
But that’s not what a deviant is. A deviant is merely a person who has deviated from the norm.
Wanna see a picture of the world's greatest deviant?
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Did that piss you off? Dear God, I hope so! Christ deviated further from the human norm than any other person who ever lived.[5] Whenever you look at somebody who does something differently from you and sneer “deviant”, you are sneering at Christ.[6]
True story:
Years ago the Motion Picture Screen Cartoonists’ union hall was located next door to a transvestite bar called the Queen Mary. One night after a union meeting a bunch of us were leaving the hall, talking animatedly[7] about old Herman & Catnip cartoons.
As we were leaving the evening shift was coming on duty at the Queen Mary, and they were carrying on a discussion about some ongoing drama among the regular patrons of the bar.
And as both groups passed each other in the parking lot, we looked at each other and our expressions said: “Gawd, what weirdos!”
Folks, none of us have any room to complain, any room to criticize. Don’t judge others because however you judge them, you in turn will be judged.
Someone asks you for advice, you give ‘em a listen, lend a sympathetic ear, then ask them what they think in their heart it is that they’re supposed to do.
If they say something contrary to what you think, tell ‘em you think differently, tell ‘em why you think differently, then let ‘em process the information.
I promise you, whatever you say to them will never hit them as a surprise.
Not really.
Until then, show love, show courtesy, show compassion.
Think how you would like to be treated if they were the norm & you were the deviation. .
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[1] …whose name -- with great justification, I might add -- is now forever associated with NC-17 grossness.
[2] Pun only slightly intended.
[3] Yes, absolutely including Harlequin Romances here even if there aren’t any descriptions of plumbing included.
[4] Okay, that pun wasn’t intended.
[5] Of course, it could be argued we deviated from His norm, but that’s a topic for another day, another post…
[6] But that’s okay, He forgives you; just try not to do it again.
[7] That pun was.