The Tooth And Nothing But [FICTOID]

The Senate Committee brought the 50 year old school teacher into the hearing room.

“Exactly what is this new economic theory of yours?” Senator jack Cassidy asked.

Mrs. Paraghal cleared her throat.  “It’s very simple.  We just brush our teeth.”

An uneasy murmur passed among the committee.

“Wait a minute,” Jack Cassidy said, “are you denying Americans their God given right to not brush their teeth?”

“No, I’m simply pointing out it’s better to do so.”

“Oh, so now you want to compel Americans to brush their teeth, even if it’s against their religious beliefs!”

Mrs. Paraghal appeared flustered.  “Not at all.  I’m simply pointing out that if we do a better job of brushing our teeth, there will be more money for us to spend on what we want, not what we need in dental care.”

“So now you’re attacking dentists and dental technicians,” said Jack Cassidy, thinking of the technician with the large breasts and low cut smock who worked at his dentist’s office.

“We’ll still need dentists,” Mrs. Paraghal said.  “Top straighten crooked teeth, tend to injuries, that sort of thing. By eliminating common tooth decay we will free up their time for more urgent services.”

“Sounds like communism to me,” said Jack Cassidy, fixated on the technician’s mammary glands.

“It’s not communism, it’s capitalism,” said Mrs. Paraghal.  “We’re letting the market decide.”

“No, you’re trying to shut down American businesses by denying them customers!”

“People will still need dental checkups -- “

“But without cavities, there will be no need for further treatment!  And what about these attacks on the sugar industry?”

“I’m not attacking sugar, we need some to stay healthy.  But urging people to be aware of the sugar content in their food -- “

“ -- is exactly the sort of depraved godless commie propaganda we expect from the ultra-woke left!  You’re not only trying to drive dentists out of work, you’re trying to cripple the sugar and junk food industries as well!”

“I’m simply urging an informed populace making informed decisions.”

“And what if they don’t want to be informed?  What if they enjoy wallowing in pig ignorance, oblivious to everything that could harm them?”

“They are free to ignore the information if they wish.”

“But the very fact you’re putting the information out there threatens their ignorance!  What if they don’t want to know brushing their teeth can prevent tooth decay but overhear it from some mealy-mouthed pantywaist woke Hollywood liberal?  You will have robbed them of their blissful ignorance!”

“It is my first amendment right to be able to state my ideas in public.”

“And our second amendment rights Trump your first amendment rights!  No, we can not permit this foul perversion of our constitution to continue!  I am announcing legislation to ban dissemination of any sort of dental hygiene propaganda and require all Americans consume a minimum of five gallons of sugary soft drinks and fifteen candy bars a week and to see their dentists once a month for a mandatory filling, needed or not!”

“Who’s going to pay for it?” Mrs. Paraghal asked.  “The government?”

“What?  No, of course not!  We’re not having socialized dental healthcare.  Our citizens can pay for it out of their own pockets.”

© Buzz Dixon