Battleship [FICTOID]

“It didn’t float.”

“No, it didn’t.”

“It should have floated.”

“Should it?”

“It would float on water, why wouldn’t it float on pigs’ blood?”

“Different densities?”

“But blood is thicker than water.  If it would float on water it should float on pigs’ blood.”

“Where did you get your design blueprints?”

“Oh, I didn’t use blueprints, I just scaled up the model from the old Monopoly game pieces.”

“Ah.  Solid metal, then?”

“Of course.  That’s what makes it impenetrable.”

“But not unsinkable.”

“That appears to be the case, yes.”

“Is there a reason you wanted a battleship?”

“Battleships are cool.”

“Fair enough, I suppose.  But why pigs’ blood?”

“Well, the family fortune is based on pork and pork by-products.  I thought why waste anything?”

“Very economical.”

“Also, that way I’m not wasting water.”

“Very ecological.  But I’m compelled to ask:  Why a swimming pool?  Traditionally battleships sail on the open seas.”

“I don’t like the ocean.  It’s scary.  I’m afraid of drowning.  My parents took me to the seashore once and I almost drowned.”

“That was in your hotel bath tub.”

“Which is why I only shower now.”

“So how do you plan on getting this solid metal battleship out of your swimming pool?”

“I was actually thinking about just dumping in a few tons of cement then covering it with a mound of dirt.”

“Leave a conundrum for future archeologists to explain, eh?”

“Precisely.”

© Buzz Dixon