Dirigo [FICTOID]

“Lobsters?”

“Lobsters.”

“Is there a reason it’s lobsters?”

“Is there a reason it shouldn’t be lobsters?”

“We’re trying to create a perfect world here.”

“And what is more perfect than lobsters?”

“Well, a just legal system for one thing.”

“Feh!  Have you ever tried eating a just legal system with drawn butter?  Too dry!  No, lobsters are best.”

“I don’t think you’re supposed to eat a legal system.”

“Then what is it good for?”

“Okay, fine.  How can lobsters maintain the infrastructure?”

“With their tiny little claws.”

The large bureaucrat drummed his fingers on his desk top.  “You realize what you’re proposing is absolutely ridiculous.”

“Just because it’s ridiculous doesn’t mean it’s a bad idea.”

“We’re trying to reorder society as we know it.”

“And an all lobster society would be perfect!  Every problem has the same solution:  A lobster!”

“Not every problem can be solved with a lobster.”

“All right, two lobsters.  Three if necessary.”

The smaller bureaucrat beamed broadly, satisfied with his own answer.  The larger one rubbed his big meaty hand over his face, silently counting to seventeen before speaking again.

(He always counted to prime numbers when frustrated, finding it too easy to go “1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-Bingo!” with round numbers.)

“You cannot base a functioning society on lobsters,” he said slowly, softly. 

“Why not?  Lobsters have been doing it for millions of years.”

“Lobsters do not have a functioning society!”

“How would you know?  Are you a lobster?  Have you skittered a mile along the ocean floor in their pointy little pereipods?  For all we humans know, they might be a society of Platos, of Michelangelos, of Beethovens -- “

“They’re damned crustaceans!”

“You say that as if it were a bad thing.”

The larger bureaucrat said nothing, he just took out his long yellow legal pad and wrote NO MORE COMMITTEES WITH REPRESENTATIVES FROM MAINE!!! on it, underscoring the state’s name several times.

© Buzz Dixon