The Prairie Philosopher [FICTOID]

“So ya see, fellers, it ain’t like I wanted to steal them horses and even if I wanted to steal ‘em, I didn’t decide to steal ‘em.

“See, when God created this here world, He done put everthin’ in motion, like pool balls on a billiard table in wunna them fancy saloons.

“Once them balls start rollin’, they’s gonna go wherever they been hit, and you cain’t make ‘em stop or change direction.

“If them balls cain’t decide to roll somewhere other than where they been hit, ya cain’t say they got free will to do as they please, only to follow the path they been set on.

“So when the good Lord pushed me outta the chute, He done set me up to do the things I do.  It ain’t my fault the things I do is agin the law, it’s the law’s fault for being there to interfere with my natural proclivities.

“The law’s jest like an old cow layin’ down on the railroad tracks and I’m the steam engine barrelin’ down on her.  It ain’t my fault I done stole them horses, it’s the law’s fault fer bein’ somewhere that it shouldn’t.”

“Then it’s not our fault we’re stringing you up,” said the sheriff as he slipped the noose over the outlaw’s neck.  “After all, we, too, lack free will.”

© Buzz Dixon