So Maybe There Was This Little Boy...

so maybe there was this little boy and maybe he wasn’t one of them

but was one of them

(you know:  nigger kike dago spick mick slant gook cracker)

and it didn’t matter that his mother -- -- ‘scuse, please, adoptive mother -- -- was rich and famous and powerful

he was still one of them

and nobody liked him

because they had to treat him like he was one of them instead

…at least while his mom was looking

and maybe this little boy knew they didn’t love him

and maybe he knew they didn’t love him either,

because both “theys” thought of him as one of “them

so no matter where he stood

he stood outside

and maybe his adoptive mother’s people

their children

maybe they said to him, “Well, we can like you, we could like you, we would like you and let you play with us, if…”

if?  if?

[giggle]  “If you suck our dicks.”

and the little boy

the poor, scared, lonely little boy

he was so eager to belong

belong anywhere that he swallowed drily and agreed and at the wall behind the palace where nobody was looking he got down on his knees and he sucked them off

and then maybe one of them said “Now let us stick our dicks in your bum”

and he didn’t want to do that, this little boy, but he was so desperate, so lonely, so afraid of never belonging anywhere

that he agreed and bent over and grit his teeth as they took turns with him

and when it was over

as he was wiping the tears from his eyes

tears of pain and shame (and the shame burned hottest)

he asked, “Am I one of you now?  Do I belong?”

and they laughed

and called him names

and kicked him and beat him

and told him if he ever told his adoptive mother

that she would hate him for shaming himself

and she would never ever love him again

and she would kick him out

and they would hold him in contempt

and beat him

and rape him

and treat him like the piece of shit he was

so he never told

and he suffered in silence

and he let it grow and fester and eat away at his soul

and as he got older he tried to reach out to the other them

but they would have no part of him

(because, after all, he was one of them)

and one day he saw one of his adoptive mother’s people

beating one of them

and the memories and shame came flooding back

and he killed that man

and he felt strangely good about it

thinking, Now I have done something that they will appreciate

Now they will see I really am one of them

Now they will accept me

but the very next day

when he tried to stop a dispute among his birth people from escalating into a fight

they said, “What are you going to do, kill us if we don’t obey you?”

and terrified --

-- THEY KNEW!!! --

-- he ran

because his adoptive mother couldn’t protect him

and her people would love to have a chance to put him in his place (little upstart)

so he ran and ran and ran

until miles away

he fell down in the sand

and wept as he had never wept before

and cried and howled in anguish

and hated those who had abused him raped him

and swore that if ever -- EVER! -- he had the chance to dictate the rules

he would see that bastards who raped frightened lonely children would die die DIE!!!

and he would punish them!

and he would hurt them!

and he would never EVER let another man do what had been done to him

(never really understanding that what they did was rape and had nothing to do with genuine love or affection)

maybe this little boy never existed

or maybe he did

and maybe this never happened to him

or maybe it did

or maybe something like it

(c) Buzz Dixon

You Know You're Doing Something Weird*...

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