Fictoid: Police Report

MAD mag on todays cops “Care to tell us what happened, Officer Goodfellow?”

“I’ll be delighted.  I was responding to a missing child report at the local department store when I spotted the four suspects getting out of their vehicle.  Seeing they were dressed like Harlem pimps, I decided to question them in case they had kidnaped the child to sell her into human trafficking.”

“You do know the missing child was found in the toy department of the store.”

“I learned that later, sir.  As I approached the suspects, they drew weapons -- “

“’Weapons’?  As in firearms?  Knives?”

“Clubs, sir.  As I approached the suspects, they drew their weapons -- “

“Clubs.”

“Clubs, sir.  They drew their clubs.  Naturally, I felt my life was in immediate danger and so I opened fire.  I’m sure you’ll agree with me that I had no other choice, sir.”

“You shot and killed four bankers playing golf!”

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text © Buzz Dixon

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