A Waistcoat, Prescott [FICTOID]

“I want a waistcoat around our tower, Prescott.” 

“You mean a waistcoat?” 

“No, a waistcoat, Prescott.”  

“How do you spell it?” 

“How do you think you spell it?  Waistcoat, Prescott.  W-A-I-S-T-C-O-A-T.”  

“Ah, therein lies the problem.  You're pronouncing it wrong.”  

“I'm pronouncing it the way it's spelled.”  

“Understood but when the word was created that
spelling came out as waistcoat not waistcoat.” 

“Now you're just being silly, Prescott.  Should I pronounce your name Prayscot?”   

“Different etymology entirely, sir.”  

“Don't go dragging bugs into this.”  

“If I may ask, why you do you want a waistcoat on your tower?”

“I want to class the station up.  We're the only radio station in this part of Tennessee so we should have something that reflects our uniqueness.”  

“I would think being the only radio tower in 100 miles would be unique enough.”

“Just a sad, stark metal framework against the sky?  No, we can't have that, Prayscot.”  

“Now you're being annoying, sir.  Stop that.”  

“I want a waistcoat to make our tower look elegant.”  

“Why not an ascot?”  

“An ass cot, Prescott?”  

“No, not a folding bed to place one's posterior on, an ascot, a broad man's tie.”  

“Why would I want to put a fat man's tie on our tower?”

“Broad in this definition does not refer to the man, it refers to the tie itself.”  

“Then shouldn't it be a man's broad tie?”  

“That would suggest the ascot belongs
to a single individual.  As a man's tie it belongs
-- or rather the concept of an ascot belongs --
to all men everywhere.”

“I've never worn an ascot, Prescott.  

“Have you ever worn a waistcoat?”

“I thought I did once but it turned out to be nothing but a vest.”

© Buzz Dixon

A tip of the toff to David McCord
for providing the inspiration
for this with his poem
“Ascot Waistcoat”