Missed Translation [FICTOID]

“Shall we discuss your thesis?”

“There’s nothing to discuss, it is what it is.”

“Oh, I agree it is what it is, but exactly what is it that it is?”

“It’s a perfect translation -- “

“Whoa, hold it, I’m going to stop you right there.  By definition no translation is ‘perfect’.  At best one may come close to grasping the original author’s intent and general cultural framework, but unless one is actually of that time and place, any translation is at best an educated guess.”

“Nonetheless, mine is accurate.”

“Let’s examine that, shall we?  This first word you translate as ‘panda’.  Means ‘bear of black and white’ doesn ‘t it?”

“What else could it be?”

“Any number of things.  A bear with some sort of condition that gives it a mottled coat.  A figurative or symbolic figure.  A cultural paradox now lost to time.

“My point is that it isn’t just one thing, it could be a multitude of things.”

“It could be a panda.”

“Ancient Babylonians didn’t know pandas even existed.”

“They might -- “

“No!  They did not!  They never reached China!”

“Some Chinese could have come visiting.”

“No!  They didn’t!  Now, let’s get on to your next premise:  ‘Turns into’.  The context here does not rely on a human translation of the work as ‘transformational’ but rather implies direction, i.e., ‘he turned’ into a gas station.”

“I know.  It would be a hell of a mistranslation.”

“So then why did you mistranslate it?”

“It fit the page nicely.”

“It fits the Prince Charming narrative you chose to impose on the text in advance.  And finally:  ‘nectarine’.  Now, I’ll grant you the Babylonian word used includes the variety of citrus we call nectarines but does not mean them specifically.

“Your translation -- ‘The panda turns you into a nectarine.’ -- is a poor one at best.  I might suggest:  ‘The mottled bear directs you to the nectarine-like fruit’.”

“Hardly carries the poetry and drama of mine.”

“Precisely, but in turn it is far more accurate.”

Meanwhile, on the opposite side of the globe, pandas began turning Communist officials into nectarines.

Their hour of liberation had arrived…

© Buzz Dixon