The Only Way To Fly [FICTOID]
“I always fly business,” said the bat. “I mean, look at me, I’m a bat. Do I really need all that legroom in first class?”
“It’s a bit unusual to see a bat flying commercial air.”
“Why? Because I have wings? You have feet, why aren’t you walking?”
“Well, Nepal is pretty far away.”
“Precisely. Just because I can fly doesn’t mean I possess endless stamina.”
“But how much space do you really need? I thought bats like the dark. Wouldn’t you find an overhead luggage bin more to your liking?”
“I would, but the first time I tried flying that way I nearly got crushed by some idiot shoving a suitcase in despite my ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign. No, strictly business class for me.”
“Not economy?”
“Back there with all those squalling infants and pushy overweight tourists and a never ending parade going to the lavatory? No, thank you.”
“I’m surprised you don’t get pushback, being a bat and all.”
“What are you, some kind of bigot?”
“No, quite the contrary. Some of my best friends are batty.”
“ . . . ”
“That was a joke.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
“Sorry.”
“In answer to your question, yes, I’ve occasionally heard objections.”
“From the airlines?”
“No, they don’t care. Buy a ticket and they treat you fairly. But I can’t tell you about the number of hysterical women who worry I’ll get tangled up in their hair or the jokers who go, ‘Blah-blah-blah! I vant to drink your blood!’”
“Popular culture doers present that kind of an image.”
“tell me about it. It’s either that or I’m supposed to be some sort of billionaire crime fighter. Look at me. Do I look like the sort of person who would go around beating up evil clowns?”
“No.”
“That’s at least a heroic stereotype. The vampire one is demeaning.”
“Well, vampire bats do exist.”
“Do you see me ordering a bloody mary? Did I ask for extra ketchup packets? All I’m having is a fruit cocktail.”
“I thought you guys ate insects.”
“No, not on long distance flights. Those guys always travel economy.”
© Buzz Dixon