Bear With Me [FICTOID]

“We’ve made worst choices for prime minister,” the ruling party’s chair said.

It was a nice chair, an elderly chair, an overstuffed Chippendale armchair.

“Name one,” the loyal opposition (an ottoman of Turkish descent) said.

Fifteen minutes later into the chair’s exhaustive recitation of names, the loyal opposition said, “Okay, fine, you proved your point.”

“The question now is how are we going to accommodate our new prime minister during his term in office.”

“Why should he receive special accommodations?”

The ruling party’s chair gave the loyal opposition a come-on-are-you-///really///-that-dense? look and the loyal opposition blushed and withdrew their objection.

“First, there’s the matter of temperature.  In addition to his personal quarters and official office, the new prime minister requires all meetings be conducted in facilities that can accommodate a 0° Celsius temperature.”

“That’s frightfully cold.”

“I agree, but we shall all have to soldier on and endure.  I suggest parkas and gloves.

“Next, the matter of fish…”

“I trust I’m not being too presumptuous to assume this is all the new prime minister seeks to consume?”

“Correct.”

“Seems like a lot of effort for just one official.”

“Considering the new prime minister’s normal diet consists primarily of seals with the occasional caribou or Inuit thrown in, I view this as an eminently gracious compromise – unless you have some members of your party you’re eager to dress up in antlers or fur to offer as a substitute.”

“Hmmm, the offer is indeed tempting.  I can think of a couple of backbenchers I wouldn’t mind sacrificing, but you already possess a majority so I’m not keen on widening your margin.”

“Finally, the prime minister will require a large water tank in his office.”

“I’m surprised there’s no demand for one in parliament.”

“That was considered but the new prime minister agreed to forego the tank for any official meetings at parliament, so building a water tank for his office is really a compromise on his part.”

“And how big must this tank be?”

“Well, it’s not unfair to observe the prime minister is somewhat stout.  I’d say ten by ten with a depth of eight feet.”

“I suppose we could simply dump his fish in at mealtime.”

“Yes, but that might involve a bit of sloshing so I wouldn’t suggest sitting too close.”

“This tank, made of glass, I suppose?”

“Of course.  Transparency in government is the goal of every democracy.”

The loyal opposition sighed.  “Very well, we shall agree to all this.  In return, however, we want the prime minister’s support on the new lollipop factory bill.,”

“Of course.  The prime minister is always interested in non-partisan cooperation.”

“When may I meet him?”

“Here he comes right now,” said the chair as Bosko the polar bear entered the room.

© Buzz Dixon