When Pigs Fly [FICTOID]

“There’s a hurricane tearing through Kyoto!”

“Typhoon.”

“What?”

“Typhoon, not hurricane.  Hurricanes are found only in the Atlantic.  They’re called typhoons in the Pacific.”

“It doesn’t matter what you call them!  This one is ripping through the province.”

“Well, that’s pretty much what hurricanes do, isn’t it?”

“Typhoon.”

“Beg pardon?”

“Typhoon.  If I have to say typhoon, you have to say typhoon.”

“You just claimed it didn’t matter what we called them.”

“That’s the whole flippin’ point!  It’s not what we call them but -- “

“Cyclones.”

“Who mentioned cyclones?”

“That’s what they call these storms in the Indian Ocean.”

“I thought that’s what they called them in Kansas.”

“You mean like Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz?”

“Keah.”

“Nope.  Those are tornadoes.”

“Now I’ve seen tornadoes over water in the Atlantic -- “

“Waterspouts.”

“That’s what they call ‘em?”

“That’s what they call ‘em.  But anyway, back to your original point…”

“What was my original point?  I seem to have forgot – oh, now I remember.  There’s a…typhoon tearing through downtown Kyoto after ravaging much of the prefecture.”

“Well, the Japanese are skilled designers and engineers.  I’m sure they built safety margins into their buildings.”

“Against wind, yes, but this is something different:  Pigs.”

“I’m sorry, I could have sworn I just heard you say pigs.”

“I did.”

“Pigs.”

“Pigs.  More precisely, piglets.  The…hurricane / typhoon / cyclone / whatever sucked up a breeding farm for pigs just before it swung into the city.  Just look at the video.”

“My…there does seem to be an awful lot of pigs -- “

“Piglets.”

“-- piglets flying through the air.  I presume there’s a reason you’re making a distinction between pigs and piglets.”

“Yes.  Pigs are full grown animals, too heavy to be lifted by the wind.  The piglets are just small enough to be lifted up and hurled through the air like a bowling ball thrown by a freaked-out meth-head on steroids.”

“Look at that one.”

“Ugh!  Splattered across the window like a water balloon filled with blood and bowel movements.”

“Making bacon, one might say.  On the plus side, this proves the efficacy of Kyoto’s hurricane -- “

“Typhon.”

“-- typhoon safety measures, the fact a plate glass office window could take a direct hit from a piglet -- how much would you say it weighed?”

“From the size and the sound of the impact, I’d say a good three, maybe four pounds.”

“There you go.  Four pounds of piglet traveling at nearly a hundred miles an hour – “

“The Japanese use the metric system.”

“All sane countries do.  Very well:  Four pounds of piglet traveling at nearly forty-five miles an hour couldn’t shatter the window.  Remarkable engineering.”

“Left an awful mess, though.”

“Kind of lovely when you think about it, though.  I mean, once all the identifiable parts drip off it casts a nice rosy glow on everything.”

“I suppose everything has a silver lining.”

“Depends entirely on how you look at it, doesn’t it?”

© Buzz Dixon