Be Careful What You Ask For [FICTOID]

As she lay on her back, looking up at the bright blue sky after being thrown from her horse, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis was visited by an elm tree.

As elm trees go, it did not appear to be exceptional, a mere sixty feet tall instead of the more typical hundred-foot height.

But it could do something no other elm tree could do:  It could talk.

“Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis,” said the elm in a voice made of rustling leaves, “I come bearing a message for you.”

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis felt more concerned about where her horse went.  The other fox hunters noticed she’d been thrown and were riding back, but it would take a moment for them to arrive.

The elm tree sensed this and spoke (rustled?) with greater urgency.  “I have a message, I say.”

“I heard you the first time,” Onassis said, rising up on her elbows.  Why an elm tree? she wondered.  The fact it was talking didn’t seem to be of much importance, another sign of a severe concussion.

“Look, do you want to receive the message or not?”

Onassis beckoned for the elm to speak.

The tree cleared its throat (actually a very pleasant sound).  “Be nice to sandalwood trees,” it said.

Onassis cocked her head to look at the elm.  “That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“What does it mean?”

The elm shrugged -- quite an impressive feat when one doesn’t possess shoulders.  “How should I know?  I’m just the messenger.”

“Who told you to tell me this?”

“They did.”

“Who’s ‘they’?”

The elm shrugged again.  “It would take too long to explain,” it said.  “I’ve got to be going before your friends get here.”

“Wait!” Onassis said, holding up her hand.  “Tell me one thing:  Who killed my husband?”

“Nobody killed your husband,” said the elm.  “He died of a heart attack.”

Onassis blinked, then scowled.  “Not Ari, you knothead!  Jack!”

“You should have been more specific and said your first husband,” said the elm…and then vanished.

© Buzz Dixon