Not So Silent Night [FICTOID]

“You can talk.”

“That I can.  And you can think,” said the cat.  “Not just clearly, but brilliantly.”

“How did this happen?”

The car shrugged (hard to do if you’re a cat).  “On Christmas Eve all dumb animals are granted the power of speech for just one hour before midnight.”

“I’m not dumb.”

“Human, please.  Who did you vote for?”

The human blushed (easy to do if you’re a human).  “But I already know how to talk.”

“But do you know how to think?”

The human thought.  “No.  I mean, now, yes.  But before? No.”

“God or the gods or the great spirit or just plain old fate has smiled on you,” said the cat.  “Or perhaps frowned.  Makes little difference if you’re mortal.”

“There…there’s so much to think about!  How do smart people handle this?”

“Quite easily.  Much the same way you handle talking.  To us it’s a holiday miracle, to you it’s just flapping your yap.”

“One hour isn’t enough to do anything with this gift.”

“You don’t have to ‘do’ anything.  Just enjoy it.  Enjoy somebody or someone or something caring enough about you to give you a Christmas gift.”

“But it seems like such a waste, that I should do something -- anything! -- with it.”

“And what if you think of something harmful?”

“I wouldn’t do that.”

“You may not intend to, but you can’t control the repercussions of what you think and do once you’ve done them.  The road to hell and all that, eh?”

“Did you get smart, too?”

“I’ll have you know all cats are intelligent, even the ones that are stupid.”

“I still feel like I’m wasting my gift.”

“You’re talking with a cat.  I wouldn’t call that a waste.”

“Will this happen next Christmas Eve?”

The cat shrugged again, improving with practice.  “Who knows?  You’re the first human that’s even been made smart on Christmas Eve.”

“You say this gift ends at midnight.  Do you remember talking for the rest of the year?”

“We do.  We remember talking, we remember what we said.  “What we can’t remember is how we talked. For that, we need to wait until the next Christmas Eve.”

“So if I think about all the problems in my life, I might be able to figure out what to do about them.  And if I can remember what I thought, I can apply that in the upcoming year even if I’m no longer smart, right?”

“That’s very logical thinking.  Yes, try that.  What have you got to lose?”

So the human sat and thought and thought and thought.  Every problem did not present a solution, but every problem offered a way to make things better.

I hope I remember all this, the human thought.  I hope, I hope, I hope…

The clock began striking twelve.

“Oh, one last thing,” said the cat.  “The next time you buy cat food -- meow.”

© Buzz Dixon