A Hairdresser Received A Shocking Confession From A Customer [FICTOID]

“I shot President Kennedy,” the silver haired old lady said.

“Yes, dear,” said Dean, her hairdresser.  “Do you want to put your purse on the bookshelf while I work on you?  Thank you.”  Dean was nothing if not courteous.

“I shot him from behind the hedge,” his customer said.  “I had a specially made single shot assassin’s rifle, disguised to look like an umbrella,”

“I’m sure you did,” said Dean, snipping her hair.

“I was quite the expert marksman, you know.”

“Yes, dear.  Hold still, please.”

“I practiced on pumpkins in my garden.  A waste of food, really.  I grew up in poverty, so I hated waste.”

“So why did you shoot him?”

“I’ve wondered that myself.  Oh, I know why they told me I had to shoot him at the time.  “An acute threat to the country’ and all that.  But looking back I can see he wasn’t.”

“Then why?”

“Based on my deductions, Jackie ordered the hit.”

“…Jackie…”

“Jackie.”

“You know, dear, that’s plain cuckoo.”

“It’s the truth!”

“Well, if you say so…”

“She had plenty of motive.  All those affairs…”

“President Kennedy was a rascal.”

“Not his -- hers!”

The clipping stopped.  “I’m sorry, but would you backspace and run that by me again?”

“Jackie was having the affairs.  The KGB found out and tried to blackmail her.  The CIA killed JFK to remove the threat.”

“But…why not kill her?”

“JFK could still be blackmailed as a cuckold,” said the silver haired old lady.  “ But with JFK -- RIP -- DOA by the CIA, the KGB was SOL PDQ.”

“OMG…” said Dean.

© Buzz Dixon