The Main Character Ignored The Warning Label [FICTOID]

The gross bombastic comedian waddled into the Giraffe Club with a dirty red Trump hat on his head and a sophisticated looking blonde on each arm.

They were not, as one might suppose, mere arm candy to show off how successful and hence sexually attractive he was, but rather served as physical and medical support for him.

Without them, he would sway / totter / fall, and since his vast girth gave him a center of gravity somewhere around knee-level, it made it impossible for him to regain his footing on his own.

The nightclub offered a quasi-tiki experience for hipsters heavily into irony.

A real tiki nightclub -- that is to say, as “real” as tiki pop culture could be -- would draw the ire of various ethnic groups, but turning it into a pure jungle wildlife fantasia proved a stroke of business -- the same ambiance and drinks available albeit under different names.

The gross comic farted loudly, saw a rustic hand lettered sign that read “Bamboo Bely Busters -- Don’t Ask!”, pounded the bar, and yelled:  “Barkeep!  A Bamboo Belly Buster!  Chop-chop!”

The sophisticated blondes at his elbows said nothing, remained stoic.  The bartender mixed the drink and slid it towards the comedian along with a paper napkin; he pointed to a warning printed on it:  “Danger!  Bamboo Belly Busters are not for everyone!”

The comedian tossed the warning away with disdain and drained the Bamboo Belly Buster in one massive swig.

Almost immediately his eye bulged out and his hand clutched his throat.

“Gonna…gonna be sick…” he croaked, then spinning on his heel he tried to race to the rest room but tripped over his untied shoelaces and fell, sprawling among the tables.

He erupted from both ends simultaneously, leaving a multi-colored and highly odiferous trail as he crawled to the men’s room door.

Knowing their employer would now be forever too embarrassed to ever return to the Giraffe Club, the blondes looked at the bartender.

“What did they used to call a Bamboo Belly Buster?” one asked.

“A Mickey Finn,” he said.

© Buzz Dixon