A Family Gathering On A Holiday [FICTOID]

The rabbi stood on a bale of hay, hand raised to bless them.

“My children,” he began with great theatrical flourish.

“We ain’t his kids,” Johnny whispered to his mother.

“Hush,” Elvira replied.  “He’s being metaphorical.”

“Let us vanquish the animosity that divides our hearts,” the rabbi continued.

“What is he talking about?” Joan asked her husband.

“Ssh, he’s on a roll,” said martin.

“Let us not bamboozle one another -- or ourselves.”

More and more family members looked askance at each other.  What was the point of this long, rambling blessing?

The rabbi droned on and on and on.  Finally, Martin coughed and pointed at his watch.

The rabbi took the hint.  “Blessed are you, Lord our God, king of the universe, who brings forth bread from the earth.  Amen.  Let’s eat!”

“Bread comes from the grocery store,” grumbled Johnny.

“Silly, it comes from a bakery,” said Kelsi, his sister.  “An oven, actually.”  The irony was lost on Johnny.

Martin submerged his hand into the ice chest and pulled out a sturgeon for grilling.  The rabbi sat by him, sipping on a glass of plum wine from the family reserve.  “Thank you for coming,” Martin said.  “We really appreciate your help in celebrating out family holiday.”

“My pleasure,” said the rabbi.  “But what holiday is it exactly?”

“Take A Rabbi To Lunch Day,” said Martin.  “Kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy when you come to think about it.”

© Buzz Dixon