An Alien In Disguise Among Humans [FICTOID]

“Confess, spy!”

“I’m not an alien!” the terrified suspect cried.  “I’m as human as you are!”

“Horse hockey!” said General Kuttner.  “We tracked you sneaking in from the Pleiades Cluster, trying to hide your ship in the Aurora Borealis, dashing low to avoid radar.

“We found it buried in a corn field.  We tracked you, brought you in, identified you in a line up, and now we’ve got you. Confess!”

“I can’t confess! I’m not an alien!  I’m human, just like you!”

“That’s what they all say.”

“Inject me with sodium pentanol -- that’ll prove I’m telling the truth.”

“You aliens are immune to it.”

“Give me a lie detector test!”

“You’d pass it.  You alien spies are trained to do that.  Besides, your physiology is all wrong.”

“Then X-ray me.  CAT scan me.  Check my DNA.  Put me in an MRI -- that’ll prove I’m as human as you!”

“Hah!  As if!  We know you aliens edit your DNA and surgically alter your bodies to pass among us.”

“But I’m not an alien!  Look, if I was a spy I would know it, right?”

“No, you’d be under deep hypnosis and wouldn’t recognize you were a spy until somebody gave you the password.”

The suspect sobbed.  “Check with my boss, my landlady.  They’ll tell you -- “

“They’re in on it too, for all we know.”

The suspect looked frightened.  “No -- don’t smear them with the same paint brush.”

“’Tar with the same brush.’”

“What?”

“’Tar with the same brush.’  A real human wouldn’t have said ‘smear with the same paint brush’.

“I’m under stress!!!”

“You’re under arrest, that’s what you are,” said General Kuttner.  “Take him away.”

As the guards dragged off the protesting suspect, General Kuttner stepped out on the bridge of Earth Defense Headquarters, a huge domed facility hidden under the Rocky Mountains.

They always overlook some detail, he thought.  He’s a spy, but he is right:  He is as human as me, because there are no humans.

Humans are a wholly fictious species we created to lure out our enemies.  They come here thinking they can take over a primitive planet and use it against us, but they’re wrong.

We were here first, and we’re keeping an eye on them

Three eyes, to be exact.

© Buzz Dixon