A Woman’s First Day In A Convent [FICTOID]

The nun said, “No one need ever know you’re here.  We guard our sisters’ privacy zealously.”

“My fans may also be quite zealous,” the woman in the thin lace veil replied.  “While I’m grateful for your offer, if someone recognizes me…”

“We’ll lick that problem when it occurs -- if it occurs.  Until then, you shall stay here, safe from prying eyes.”

The woman in the veil smiled and curtsied.  Despite the veil and the dim light of the mother superior’s office, her beautiful face would be instantly recognized from its appearance on film screens and billboards and posters and magazines everywhere. 

The nun handed her an ancient page of mimeographed lyrics.  “We say seven prayers during the day, plus matins at two o’clock in the morning.  As a guest, you needn’t come to all services but we will expect you to attend at least three.

“Later, we’ll put you to work in the kitchen, operating the pomegranate press.”

“’Work’?” the movie star sounded confused.  “I was expecting a place to hide -- “

“And what better place to hide than in the kitchen of a convent, hmm?” asked the mother superior.  “Especially since so few Europeans pay attention to the movies now?  The pomegranate machine might be just the thing to keep you busy.”

“I don’t want to appear ungrateful, but I didn’t come here to be bored.”

“Well, what did you expect?” the mother superior said.  “The hurt heal faster than the well and within these stone walls we are safe and secure.”

As if to put the lie to her words, the head of a saint’s statue disengaged from the body, sprouted rotors, and sped off.

“News drone,” said the movie star.  “You can’t hide from them.  Within 24 hours they’ll be swarming this place.  Sorry, but I’ve got to go.”

“What about us?” the mother superior asked.  “Now they won’t believe you’re not here.  What about our privacy?”

“Collateral damage,” said the movie star as she strode out the door.

© Buzz Dixon