This Story >ALWAYS< Works

“The Rat Bastards”

OMG!  The Bad Guys are going to do
Something Terrible to some Nice People!

Quick!  Send for the Gallant Heroes!

Oh, no!  The Gallant Heroes can’t get there in time!

What’ll we do?!?!?
We’ve got to do something!

Well…it’s a long shot…and
it’s probably pointless…but
what about the Rat Bastards?

The Rat Bastards?!?!? 
Are you crazy?!?!?  
They’re craven cowards!  
They’re degenerate derelicts!  
They’re rowdy raunchy reprobates!
They’re utterly worthless!  
They’re completely useless!  
They’re pathetic asswipes!

Yeah…but we gotta do something!
If we don’t
the Bad Guys will do
Something Terrible to
the Nice People
and if we’re going to
waste lives on
a vain
pointless
suicide mission
well…why waste valuable lives?   
Why not just throw away
a bunch of scumbags
like the Rat Bastards?

So they assemble the Rat Bastards
and right away problems start

The Rat Bastards:  
Hate each other
Can’t be trusted
Refuse to follow orders
Lack discipline
And each one carries a
deep
dark
dreadful
secret.

But the Rat Bastards get sent anyway.

And -- OMG! -- they screw up immediately!
The plan is ruined!  
The Bad Guys will do
Something Terrible to
the Nice People!

The Rat Bastards
(at least those still alive)
are on the run!

When the Bad Guys catch them
they will kill them.

And if by some miracle
the Rat Bastards escape the Bad Guys
they will have to live
with the shame and humiliation
of knowing they ran away and let
Something Terrible happen to
the Nice People.

screw it
say the Rat Bastards
damned if we do
damned if we don’t
might as well
go down fighting
than live with that

So they hit the Bad Guys.

And the Bad Guys kick their ass!
Merciless gutstompings!
Savage brutality!
Brutal savagery!  
One by one
the Rat Bastards
get picked off.

Oh, they’ve screwed up royally!
They’re going to die
and Something Terrible
will happen to
the Nice People
and the Bad Guys
will win!

It’s hopeless
…hopeless…
…hopeless…

…and then the Rat Bastards
pull The Old Switcheroo…

Boom!  BOOM! Ka-BOOM!!!
The Bad Guys’ plans
blow up in their faces
leaving nothing but
smoke and ash

The Nice People
escape the Terrible Something
and the surviving Rat Bastards
learn they aren’t
as bad
as everybody
thought

© Buzz Dixon