“Do you still smoke cigars?”

“Well, I haven’t had one since last year,
so I guess the proper answer is:
I don’t know.”

“Hi, I was wondering if you might help me out.”

“Certainly.  We’re always ready to help parents.”

“Thanx.  Well, it seems my daughter lost her virginity at school today…”

“Oh, dear!“

“Yeah, anyway, I was wondering if somebody
might have dropped it off here in the office.”

“I don’t know.  Let’s take a look in
the lost and found basket.
What color was it?”

“Auburn.”

“Hmmm, auburn…auburn…is this is?”

“No, that’s more of a reddish brown.”

“I see.  Would your daughter recognize it if she saw it?”

“Possibly, but if you don’t have anything in that color…”

“Sorry, no.  Some ash blondes
and one jet black, but no auburns.”

“Okay, well, I’ll have her check later in the week.”

“Good idea.  Maybe somebody will turn it in by then.

One thing, though:  Make sure your daughter doesn’t take
somebody else’s virginity home by mistake.”

Hi.  What are
you doing?

Minding my
own business.
And you?

Here, let me take this sweater off
the mannikin so you can try it on.
…..[much struggling]
I’m sorry, it’s hard to change their clothes:
Their joints don’t move and sometimes their limbs fall off.

Kinda like working at a mortuary, huh?

“I’m married to Lady Gaga.”

“Really. Why didn’t I see this on the news?”

“It was a small, private ceremony.”

“Uh-huh. Was Lady Gaga present?”

“No. Why does that matter?”