Archive of articles classified as' "Fictoids"

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Fictoid: Filosophizin’ on the frontier…


Ken Riley - exactly how wrong

underlying art by Ken Riley

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Fictoid: war of the psychic mutants


war of the psychic mutants

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Fictoid: Police Report


MAD mag on todays cops

“Care to tell us what happened, Officer Goodfellow?”

“I’ll be delighted.  I was responding to a missing child
report at the local department store when I spotted
the four suspects getting out of their vehicle.  Seeing
they were dressed like Harlem pimps, I decided to
question them in case they had kidnaped the child to
sell her into human trafficking.”

“You do know the missing child was found in
the toy department of the store.”

“I learned that later, sir. 
As I approached the suspects,
they drew weapons — “

“’Weapons’?  As in firearms?  Knives?”

“Clubs, sir.  As I approached the
suspects, they drew their weapons — “


“Clubs, sir.  They drew their clubs. 
Naturally, I felt my life was in immediate
danger and so I opened fire.  I’m sure you’ll
agree with me that I had no other choice, sir.”

“You shot and killed four bankers playing golf!”




text © Buzz Dixon

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Fictoid: one night at ringside


norman rockwell - ringside cap1

“Are you okay, kid?  Do you know where you are?”

“Yes, sir:  I’m in Madison Square Garden,
getting the @%#& beat outta me…”

“He’s good for another round.”

art by Norman Rockwell
text © by Buzz Dixon

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Fictoid: another night at ringside


John Walter Scott - please let him kill me

art by John Walter Scott
text © Buzz Dixon

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Fictoid: …it’s lonely out in space…


disney mission mars cap

“…it gets awfully lonely out here…no one to talk to…if
it wasn’t for your guys at ground control I’d go insane…”

“We’ll always be here for you.”

photo from Disney mission mars
text © Buzz Dixon

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Fictoid: one day in geosynchronous earth orbit…


Pete Elson - checking the engines large cap

underlying art by Pete Elson

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Fictoid: one morning at tea…


Frank X Leyendecker I say reginald cap

“I say, Reginald, are those airships jousting over our front lawn?”


art by Frank X. Leyedencker

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Fictoid: a little late for that question…


Alex Sharpe Ross - are you really a tattoo artist

“Are you really a tattoo artist?”

“Sure, I am.  Look at the great job
I did on my cat over there…”

underlying art by Alex Sharp Ross

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Fictoid: Cinderella::Aftermath



What are you doing here?



I can see that,
my question is why?

I have no answer.

You are a princess now.

I know.

Servants can do this.

God, I know!  I know! 
Why do you think I’m here?

Don’t they clean well enough?

They clean most excellently,
giving me very little to do. 
No complaint there.

Then why — ?

I can’t stand the way they look at me.

Ah, jealousy –

No!  Not jealousy.

Contempt?  Show me the ones who –

No!  No contempt…just…they look at me,
and I know they are thinking,
“Why you?  Why you and not me?”

So they are jealous.

No.  Never jealous.  Curious.  Puzzled. 
I’m puzzled, too.  Why me?  Why…me? 
Two questions, when you actually come
to think about it.

I love you.

You are very kind to me,
but do you love me,
or do you love the idea of me? 
You knew nothing about me,
not even the fact I existed,
until that night.

I know you now.

But what do you know of me? 
You know of my cruel stepmother
and stepsisters, but thousands of
other children suffer as I did. 
Why didn’t you go save them?

If you want me to establish a charity –

No.  I mean…yes…please…a charity. 
Anything to pay back a fraction of what we owe.

“Owe”?!?!?  We owe nothing!

Really?  All this opulence,
all this pleasure, all this power
comes from someone, someone
who can ill afford it.

We are their leaders,
their protectors.

Protectors from whom? 
Others who want to collect their taxes? 
We protect them for ourselves.

Do you want to return to their level?

You have been kind…to me…and
 generous…to me.
I would be ungracious
 to not reciprocate.

Then what do you want?

I want to feel innocent again. 
I want to feel guiltless. 
I want to feel good.

And this cleaning,
it will help you?


You missed a spot.


text © Buzz Dixon
art by Edmund Dulac



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