Archive of articles classified as' "Fictoids"

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Fictoid: one morning at tea…

25/03/2015

Frank X Leyendecker I say reginald cap

“I say, Reginald, are those airships jousting over our front lawn?”

“THANK GOD YOU SEE THEM, TOO!”

art by Frank X. Leyedencker

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Fictoid: a little late for that question…

19/03/2015

Alex Sharpe Ross - are you really a tattoo artist

“Are you really a tattoo artist?”

“Sure, I am.  Look at the great job
I did on my cat over there…”

underlying art by Alex Sharp Ross

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Fictoid: Cinderella::Aftermath

17/03/2015

Edmund_Dulac_-_Prince_and_Princess

What are you doing here?

 

Cleaning.

I can see that,
my question is why?

I have no answer.

You are a princess now.

I know.

Servants can do this.

God, I know!  I know! 
Why do you think I’m here?

Don’t they clean well enough?

They clean most excellently,
giving me very little to do. 
No complaint there.

Then why — ?

I can’t stand the way they look at me.

Ah, jealousy –

No!  Not jealousy.

Contempt?  Show me the ones who –

No!  No contempt…just…they look at me,
and I know they are thinking,
“Why you?  Why you and not me?”

So they are jealous.

No.  Never jealous.  Curious.  Puzzled. 
I’m puzzled, too.  Why me?  Why…me? 
Two questions, when you actually come
to think about it.

I love you.

You are very kind to me,
but do you love me,
or do you love the idea of me? 
You knew nothing about me,
not even the fact I existed,
until that night.

I know you now.

But what do you know of me? 
You know of my cruel stepmother
and stepsisters, but thousands of
other children suffer as I did. 
Why didn’t you go save them?

If you want me to establish a charity –

No.  I mean…yes…please…a charity. 
Anything to pay back a fraction of what we owe.

“Owe”?!?!?  We owe nothing!

Really?  All this opulence,
all this pleasure, all this power
comes from someone, someone
who can ill afford it.

We are their leaders,
their protectors.

Protectors from whom? 
Others who want to collect their taxes? 
We protect them for ourselves.

Do you want to return to their level?

…no…
You have been kind…to me…and
 generous…to me.
I would be ungracious
 to not reciprocate.

Then what do you want?

I want to feel innocent again. 
I want to feel guiltless. 
I want to feel good.

And this cleaning,
it will help you?

Yes.

You missed a spot.

.

text © Buzz Dixon
art by Edmund Dulac

 

 

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Fictoid: she wasn’t a very convincing liar

15/03/2015

mead schaeffer geeze not again1

underlying art by Mead Schaeffer

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Fictoid: one day at the head of the class

13/03/2015

norman rockwell - SHUT UP cap

art by Norman Rockwell
text © by Buzz Dixon

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Fictoid: the brutal truth

9/03/2015

Frederic Dorr Steele - how long was I out cap

“…how long was I out…?”

“What makes you think
you were ever in?”

art by Frederic Dorr Steele

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Fictoid: thirty seconds before the crash…

4/03/2015

your crash landing instructions cap

“Your crash landing
instructions, ma’am.”

“Will they help
us survive?”

“No, but they’ll keep your
whiney ass occupied until
the moment of impact.”

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Fictoid: one night at the field sobriety checkpoint

27/02/2015

at the sobriety checkpoint

“Sir, have you been drinking?”

“No.  What makes you think that?”

“You’re eating a cigar and smoking a Slim Jim.”

“They’re healthier that way.”

“Hmm, point taken.  Have a good evening, sir.”

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Fictoid: There’s An App For That

19/02/2015

Rene Gruau - theres an app for that

It’s very simple, Senator.

We need you to support a bill to provide a nationwide anti-bullying app for all school kids.

If they’re bullied, all they have to do is enter the name of the person bullying them.

Of course, the reports are anonymous…

At first.

The idea is to link specific abusers with specific victims.

Oh, we’ll make a show of bringing the young miscreants in, give them a good scolding, a sound talking to, that sort of thing.

But in reality we’re going to track them, guide them, steer them to careers in law enforcement, tax collecting, social services, prison guards.

See, we’re also going to track all the victims as well.  And when they’ve grown into tax paying adults, we’re going to keep them in line by bringing their childhood nemesis back into their lives.  Make them more compliant, as it were.

This way the gears of society will keep grinding and the money will keep flowing.

Our citizens will dutifully select their own personal tormentors, and fines and taxes will be levied, and the prisons will stay full, and your offshore account will reflect all this.

What’s that?  Why of course we can find a position for your son.

.

text © Buzz Dixon
art by Rene Gruau

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Fictoid: One Day On Wall Street

15/02/2015

James R Bingham - Im not the poopyhead

underlying art by James R. Bingham

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